Hi, my name’s Dumb Mom and my child has separation anxiety.
Stage 4 clinger.
That’s what he is.
Like, I leave the room; he freaks out a little.
Or, he leaves the room, to take a dump; he forces me to accompany him.
Dumb Dad blames me.
Of course, because pretty much everything comes back to me.
I hope he remembers that when my son becomes the first person to shred guitar on Mars one day.
He says that this whole can’t-stand-to-be-away-from-Mommy-or-I-feel-like-my-face-is-melting bit can be directly correlated with the way I treat him.
I say it’s my animal magnetism that’s attracting the little monkey to me.
We’ve agreed to disagree.
But I will admit that the littlest Dude and I are close.
We spend the majority of every day together; talking, playing, ignoring each other while we do things we enjoy independently, all the while sitting close enough that our legs can touch.
And sometimes we sleep together.
Not always. Just on the weekends really. Or during the week when he sneaks into my bed in the wee hours of the morning.
I’m not sure how we got back to this place where we’re sleeping together again. I broke him of it when he was 6 months old, and slowly but surely, he’s found his way home. To my bed.
Maybe it’s because we had a bit of a scare last month that caused him to undergo this…
And, this…
You’ll be happy to note that he can mostly hear, and he can sorta see.
But, this scare may have awarded him a teeny weeny bit of extra special treatment recently.
Whatever.
So shoot me because I dote on my slightly-hard-of-hearing-nearly-hard-of-seeing-in-one-eye baby.
Fine.
It’s my fault.
Which is why I’m about to fix it!
Dumb Mom’s Guide to Dealing with Separation Anxiety in Preschoolers
1. Don’t let the cuteness fool you. Because then this whole thing? Becomes an endless cycle of not being able to leave the house without having your shirt clawed at. And, of not being able to sleep without having your lumbar spine compressed by a mini-human cranium every night. Sure he sounds adorable with his dropped consonants and his sweet voice when he begs you to, “Pweas wet me sweep in your bed so we can cuddle, Mommy, pweeeeease!” But never being able to enjoy a latte at that bookstore with the cute barrister delicious coffee, and never being able to sleep like a human again sorta makes it all less cute. And also lame.
2. Don’t be afraid to let him cry. Or scream. Or lose his ever loving mind. It’s going to happen because he’s a cunning little manipulator in love with you and wants you with him always. And, because using you as a human crutch is a habit. A nasty habit, like smoking or binge drinking, only less deadly and not stigmatized. But still. It’s a habit that can only be broken via withdraw. Or possibly bribery. Note: ALWAYS try bribery first. It’s the most effective means of getting what you want from children, since out thinking them is grossly unlikely.
3. Don’t let other people ruin it. Sometimes super smart attached preschoolers figure out that if you are acting coy about being conjoined with them at the hip, there may be other individuals that are willing to take your place. Don’t fall for this, and warn all of your friends, family, and neighbors that they shouldn’t either. The idea is to make him independent of everyone; not just dependent on someone else!
4. Don’t give up hope. Even if you’re not able to break him immediately of his desire to sleep inside of your body cavity, don’t get yourself worked up over it. I mean, it’s not like Dudes go off to college still sharing a bed with their mommies. They don’t, do they? Kidding, I’m pretty sure they don’t. So, if your change is being met with a tearful reaction you can’t stomach, go ahead and soak up the cuddles for another 6 years weeks. Probably this is just a phase. Like the eating only-white-food phase, or the touching-the-dog’s-butthole phase, or the um, licking-door-handles-phase. None of those stuck around and the I-need-mommy-every-moment-of-life-or-I’m-sure-I’ll-die phase will go away too. Because it has to, right?!
5. Don’t think you’re scarring him. He may behave as though you’re forcing him from your womb for a second time when you leave him to run an errand, but you’re not. And, letting him stay your bed until both of you are ready is no biggie either. I mean, maybe spooning your 13 year old at night could cause a little psychological trauma, but letting your 4 year old fall asleep in your lap while you prop your iPad on his forehead isn’t gonna ruin him as a human. Just like forcing him to cry it out for a couple of nights in his room won’t. Start small if you must: make minor bedtime routine adjustments to start or just leave him for a short time with dad in the beginning. Eventually the new routine will be as comfortable to him as being your 5th appendage is now!
Need some good sleep tips?!
Come join me Monday, 3/5, on The Motherhood where I will be co-hosting a live chat about getting your sleep on, or not in celebration of Sleep Awareness Week (seriously? Who even knew they had that?!) and sponsored by The Bedtime Network!
Just click the link and come say hi: Sleep Deprived? Let’s Talk!
*This post was sponsored by Giraffe Childcare Dublin.
{ 21 comments… read them below or add one }
I want to see the iPad prop- I mean 4-year-old sleeping
. And your guide is genius- you should get it published as the latest break through.
My 2 year old has decided I am his extra appendage because he won’t do/ go anywhere without me. Including sleep. I have to lie down with him in order for him to fall asleep. In the middle of the night, he comes to our room & sleeps the rest of the night ON me. During the day, he holds my hand at every opportunity (he’s grasping one of my fingers right now as I type).
So I’m going to try some of your tips. I’m guessing it’d take about 3 years before he becomes detached. Wish me luck!
Oh, these are good tips! I have a clinger, too and have to take FULL responsibility for it!
He’s cute, and little, and my BABY. Ahem.
(Hold my hand and I’ll hold your’s?)
Nine year old + bad dreams = King sized bed.
Your posts just make me laugh so hard. The “touching-the-dog’s-butthole phase” literally made me snort. So glad it was only a phase.
Buster is super clingy, depending on me too, but it’s usually only when I’m around. When I’m not around, he’s fine. He’ll ask about me or say he misses me, but there’s not much separation anxiety, and most importantly, he sleeps in his own bed all night long because he prefers to be in his own bed. Huge WIN for me.
I love it! I have a stage 4 clinger myself (I will be referring to him as this from now on- thank you!)
Your kids are also stage 4 stunners!!!
I just keep telling myself: ‘It’s just a phase, it will pass!’
And I keep ón telling myself that.
It’s a very looong phase.
This is rock solid (and hilarious) advice. Way to go.
Neither of my kids were clingy, but that has to be hard. I get so overstimulated just from their whining that if they were hanging on me, too, I’d scream.
Our clinger goes back and forth. One day it will be and the next it will be daddy. Which is nice because then you get a break. We don’t let him sleep with us though. We learned our lesson about that with the first one.
I’m sorry for the scare with the little dude and hope he’s ok.
And yep, my 3.5 year old is a little clinger too. I am and always was his one and only lovey he had to drag, push or pull everywhere, depending on the stage he was in. And of course he knows the way to my bed with eyes closed, he actually refers to it as his bed.
I was really scared how he would handle preschool, he just started the end of January. But turns out he’s fine, is kind of in love with his (female) teachers and has a BBF. Which makes me think about #3 of your guide. LOL. But when he’s not in school he’s my shadow. And this is driving me crazy sometimes, but then again, it’s just a phase and it will pass, right? So I totally enjoy the snuggles in bed and the stray LEGO pieces I find under my back in the morning. He always comes fully equipped.
This came at the perfect time. I feel that my youngest (2) is becoming quite the clinger recently. Sometimes it’s cute (as when he’ll realize that he has been playing on his own and just comes over for a hug) while other times it’s difficult and heartbreaking. Great tips and reminders.
… BUT… what if Mommy likes it that way? Not that *I* like clingy kids… Right? RIGHT???
My girls were never clingers. They were/are more like don’t let the door hit you on the way outers. I think it is because I bore them to death and they will do anything to get away from me
Seriously though, I’m not sure how we got away without having any clingers. They are lovey and all but both are very independent.
Yep, got one of those. I thout. Was good at bribery but I seems I am just very good at being dropped into buying Lego sets. Oh well. If he doesn’t take them to collage I will have something to occupy my empty nest acheing heart.
This has got to be the cutest blog ever…and I’m not even a mom! FYI…these are some handy tips for Big Separation Anxiety[ers] too!
I’m raising one of those – she’s still only 10 months old, but she freaks when I leave the room. Her dad decided to try taking her to the grandparents’ house so I could be BLISSFULLY ALONE for the first time in forever, and she didn’t cry at all. So now he calls me The Enabler, saying I’m the one who causes her meltdowns by scooping her up whenever she peeps. Whatever, I’m okay with that – as long as he keeps taking her to the grandparents’ house once in a while.
Oh I have one of these too. I can see where your trouble’s starting though, he is very cute
Luckily, I have a good sleeper who will sleep on her own in her crib. She only slept in my bed a few times when she was an infant and just wouldn’t let me put her back in her crib when she woke up. Thankfully, she didn’t get attached to sleeping that way.
I know it’s hard to say no to a cute face. And he’s a cutie.
I love finding blogs like this! The information you provide is cute and to the point. Great job!