In the form of someone who is human, not insane, relatively cleanly in their mind and body, and eager to be surrounded by egomaniacs who scream all day a lover of small, sticky-fingered children.
Know anyone?
Because, lemme just tell you, reliable childcare is hard to find.
At least for someone like myself who is looking for a part-time care giver who will come to my house, put up with my dog, and not poison my child while I work in my basement in my jammie pants with my pork skins.
Kidding, I don’t eat pork skins anymore. I gave them up for New Years.
So, in an effort to snag myself a relatively reliable caregiver (I only require reliability two day per week, the rest of the days can be squandered as they see fit), I placed an ad on one of those sites that help people like me connect with people in the market for some crazy seeking employment as such.
It read something like this:
Seeking a youngish, female caregiver who is literate, in possession of reliable transportation at least two days per week, with a sense of humor, and a pleasant body odor to play trucks, Legos, puzzles, ninjas and whatever else the small human who runs this place desires. Must be able to save him from danger, stop a speeding bullet, and leap over a building in a single bound. Must also enjoy hearing the Team Umizoomi song sung loudly multiple times during the day and be willing to join in on occasion. Should also enjoy telling the same story repeatedly, being asked why, and answering random questions about various topics. Must like crafts, be able to serve boxed macaroni and cheese daily, and have a strong understanding of mouth-made sound effects. Finally, those allergic to leg humping dogs (yes, it’s a girl, don’t ask me why she likes to do this from time to time; I’m baffled) need not apply. Job also requires a high tolerance for hideously bad knock-knock jokes. We are a nut free house.
You know, sorta.
Surprisingly, I received a number of messages from interested parties.
One girl’s photo looks like it was probably taken at a frat party while she did belly shooters.
And, I’m pretty sure one of them was a witch.
Or, maybe it was a warlock?
Either way, the pool of people-with-whom-you-can-safely-leave-your-child-while-you’re-still-in-the-house is quite shallow.
But I think I may have found someone; fingers crossed she doesn’t start stealing my underwear.
Need some tips of your own for finding reliable care for your little people?
Dumb Mom’s Guide to Not Having Your Cradle Rocked By Crazy Hands
1. Use a service. An online one is ok. There are a bunch that are relatively affordable. I’ve used Sittercity and Care.com. They seem pretty much the same to me; with even many of the same caregivers showing up on both.
2. Have an interview. You can tell a lot from a person when you meet them in real life that you can’t tell from an online profile. Like whether or not that adorable photo of them in their cheerleading uniform is even them. Or, if they are really a 48 year old man with an affinity for sleeveless belly shirts and bourbon.
3. Check references. You know you’re gonna ask for them, but are you actually gonna call them?! I learned A LOT about my sitter from her references. I hired her anyway, but they were surprisingly honest about what she is and isn’t capable of and I was able to make an informed decision based on that.
4. Hire a back-up. That way when babysitter A is hung over sick and can’t show up one day you aren’t left with Mickey Mouse’s Clubhouse as your only option. Although, my kid can do that hot dog dance all day so I’m not sure what I’m paying the sitter for?
5. Do a test run. I don’t like to leave my sitter in my house alone with my kids until I’ve gotten to know her a bit? I mean, for all I know the minute I leave she could whip out her girls and try to nurse my babies to sleep. Gag. And, so uncool. So, I try to get to know the chick a bit first. By paying her to watch them even if I don’t have anywhere to be or anything to do other than Tweet my face off fold laundry. I’m willing to shell out a few Benjamins Hamiltons to ensure some nut job isn’t tying my baby to the toilet so she can dance around my kitchen in my husband’s socks and drawers all morning.*
*This last tip is mostly reserved for stranger-sitters as opposed to neighbor-sitters, best-friend’s-teenage-daughter-sitters, and relative-sitters you may hire.
{ 16 comments… read them below or add one }
i totally feel for you young mothers. what’s a gal to do when there isn’t an auntie or gram around to help? i’m thinking i might hafta start my own traveling babysitting for hire business. but none of that mickey mouse club stuff for me: i’m All Wiggles All the Time.
signed
Mrs Wiggles
It’s tough for us this time of year b/c my mom works seasonally and it’s in season now. We go through this every year when she goes back to work. When I told #3 I was meeting with a sitter for him he says, “Did Mimi die?! Why can’t she just watch me?!” He is still mad at her for being alive and not being his babysitter.
God, I feel your pain Amanda! We have such a hard time finding a sitter for 3 kids and my daughter is so weird with “new” people (bc of the autism) that we always have to do test runs, sometime multiple test runs before we can leave the house!
We are fortunate that we only require a day time sitter for part of the year. My mom watches them all the other times. But she decided she likes to work like a normal grown up sometimes. Why? Isn’t raising my children enough for her?!
I feel your pain! I finally decided enough is enough. We need a part time baby sitter. Mainly for selfish reasons. Like : hubby and I want to go sit in the back of the theater and….well act like teenagers. More than once a year. Sooo. I’ll be looking at those sites…..
Yes! A date would be nice. We are fortunate b/c my mom watches them a lot. But, she doesn’t live super close (about an hour) and now she works some too. Gag. We are actually doing the sitter search for the second time. Our lovely, perfect, God-send of a sitter turned evil on us. Decided she needed to go away to college AND get married! So disrespectful!
thanks for the advice. we’ve been spoiled with a plethora of grandparents and aunties and have never had to consider hiring a sitter… until now. for some reason we have decided to move from all of these wonderful people to a place where we know 2 people.
2 is certainly better than 0, but only by 2… so thanks. i’ll be referring back soon.
OMG I never visit your blog and not end up laughing. But you always manage to sneak in some valuable info mixed in with the lighthearted humor. This is why you are one of my bloggie idols. I need to visit more often.
…or Abrahams.
Oh my god… ” I mean, for all I know the minute I leave she could whip out her girls and try to nurse my babies to sleep.” I just died. Totally died.
I am really glad I’m not in need of finding a sitter or daycare right now. It was hell when I went through it before.
Ugh thanks so much for the damn flashback (well, not really a flashback b/c I don’t actually remember it, but there are photos of me tied to the potty chair. By my mother. Because I wouldn’t pee in the proper place). These are great tips and should I ever decide to willingly invite a crazy, wait, lovely sitter, into my home, they’ll be used. As you can imagine from the previous sentence, we have not had in-home sitters (OK we haven’t had out of home sitters either, meaning if you aren’t family, you aren’t an option). As they get older, though, we are leaning toward the possibility of someone not related by blood being in charge of them (since the girls are old enough now to say whether the sitter swigged my tequila, played N.W.A. on blast, or gave them all Tussin for an early, good night’s rest).
I hate picking out a sitter. Thankfully a lot of my friends and family had kids long before me so all of theirs are old enough to sit with mine now. That’s always a win because I know what their mommas will do to them if they let one of my babies get hurt. I would be terrified to hire a stranger.
I’ve got 2 words for you…DUCT. TAPE! LOL I kid, I kid!!!
I so feel you on the sitter thing. I am SO thankful that my MIL lives with us. And on those rare occasions that me and the mister need to step out alone, it’s awesome to be able to leave my girl child with her grandma. I also have great SAHM friends who are often willing to assist. AND…if I’m really desperate, I may even ask my oldest daughter to watch her little sibling. However, I have to be REALLY desperate to do that. The last time didn’t go so well. Soooo….
Ok, so it sounds like I can’t really relate to the sitter thing, huh? I don’t think I’ve ever HAD to hire someone to come watch my kids. I can only imagine that it would be quite the task.
Hope the one you’ve chosen works out. And thank GOD you’ll be at home if something jumps off!!
: ) Our kids are so valuable. This post was funny and dead on! : )
I would say it’s always best to use an agency that actually checks nannies, au pairs or baby sitters. Unless they come recommended by family or friends, of course.
This is great advice. I miss the days when the nice high school down the street could watch the kids for a few bucks. I used to be that nice girl. Now, those nice girls don’t exist because no one knows their neighbors, and even if you find one, she costs $20 an hour. Gads!