As you well know, Casa de Dummies is all about awesomeness.
I make it my life’s goal to be rockstar-ish in all of my endeavors and Dumb Dad sorta kinda sometimes when he feels like it does too.
One thing we have struggled with though is how to not put too much pressure on The Dudes to be similarly awesome.
I mean, I have high expectations for them, but I’m no Tiger Mom and I honestly don’t want to be (okay, so maybe sometimes I so want to be all micromanaging, mom despot like that, but I know it would suck for The Dudes).
When I was growing up my parents were pretty intense (compared to those of my peers) about my grades. They wanted me to get As and, they were not really all that happy with anything less (arguing that I’d proven it could be done by doing it).
They didn’t chain me to my desk or tell me I was garbage, but they did make it known that having good grades was extremely important to them.
To them, educational opportunity, something they never really had, was WAY more important than social life, cheerleading practice, and pretty much all the other things a smoking hot teen girl like myself held dear.
I felt pressure to please them with my good grades, but I don’t necessarily think that was a bad thing; it helped me attain significant educational success that I value immensely.
Plus, it was mostly easy.
Doing well in school was not a struggle for me. Naturally I was better at some subjects than others, but when I put my mind to it, I could bust an A like a mofo.
No problem.
But, this is not the case for The Dudes (well, #3, but he’s not even in school yet).
#1 and #2 are both experiencing challenges in school. #1 struggles in math and #2, in reading, so they are both in school based intervention programs.
#1 is having the hardest time dealing. He’s convinced that he’s terrible at math, that he will never be good at math, and that he is, in fact, really a “big dummy”.*
Hearing him say those words makes me want to puke out my nose because I never, EVER want my kid (or any kid) to feel that way. Particularly at such a young age when there are many more challenging things yet to learn.
But, to me, what’s more important than ensuring he can perform algebraic functions by the time he finishes fifth grade, is learning to celebrate his awesome.
As someone who grew up in a house that focused on academic excellence so whole heartedly, it was my natural inclination to do the same thing with The Dudes.
But, they are not all that awesome academically or, to be frank, athletically (to the not-very-well-hidden-horror-of-Dumb-Dad); two areas dudes their age are often asked to excel in. While being academically sound is extremely important to us, I do want to be sure I focus on celebrating whatever they are truly good at and excited about doing.
For #1 that’s reading…
Not reading at school, more like just enjoying the written word and sharing the stories with all of us. He devours novels and the best thing that’s happened to him all winter was that we got him his very own library card (you know so our fines won’t get him banned too!)
For #2 it’s all about art.
The kid may not be the next insert-famous-artist’s-name-here-because-really-I-don’t-even-know-any, but he does have a little talent and it’s something that he truly loves doing (he hand drew this vase for me!)…
He was slightly peeved because Santa brought him, “so much dang art junk,” but he’s since found it to be just what the you-need-to-go-to-your-room-and-take-a-beat doctor ordered. It relaxes him (when he’s ranting and raving about something), it helps him focus on something positive (instead of on antagonizing his brothers), and it allows him to be special for something and receive the praise and attention his personality craves (which he needs desperately as middle Dude).
At present, #3 is pretty much awesome at everything he does.
I’m not saying that because I like him best (I don’t always like him best anyway, just sometimes), I’m saying that because it’s true.
So, tips for celebrating the unconventional awesome in your kids?
Sure thing:
1. Look for it. What your kid is good at may not be readily apparent. But, it’s worth the effort to dig a little.
2. Let them sample. This may be the key to finding exactly what’s right. It took me nearly 30 years to find what I could rock the socks off of, so it may take a few failed dance classes for your kid to find something to love and rock too!
3. Celebrate. So what if he doesn’t make honor roll this semester (or ever)? You can celebrate other stuff he’s doing awesomely. Finished a 300 page book? Take him to pick out a new one. Enter a coloring contest and got second place? How about some new markers?! Little moments can sometimes be cause for big celebrations and ain’t nothing wrong with that!
4. Tell the world. Bragging about your kid’s throwing accuracy at mommy group while he’s chucking blocks at my kid’s head is obnoxious and cause for a leg sweep. But, bragging to your child’s teacher about how much he reads at home or how much he enjoys his recorder practice even if it makes your ears bleed is encouraged. It makes your kid feel good, and it puts others on alert that awesome is brewing.
5. Don’t sweat it. Everyone is good at something, right?! It may take you and your child years to determine what his calling is, but in the meantime just make it a point to celebrate and praise who he is as a person. Good people do good things, so it’s bound to happen eventually!
How do you boost confidence in your little people? Suggestion accepted and respected, but not always put to use:)!
*Just so you don’t think we’re not being proactive about this situation, #1 started Kumon a couple of weeks ago and I plan to update you soon on how it’s working for him in case you are considering it for your own little mathlete:)!
{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }
Awesome tips! And good for you for focusing on what they do well AND still working to help meet their educational needs.
Great tips. My big kid has ADHD so we are old pros at finding the positive to praise. He struggles in math, so we praise him for how much he improves over time rather than setting big-picture expectations (like an A).
For instance, he got one-on-one parent time the night he finished a word problem worksheet correctly all by himself (including reading every line of each set of instructions!!!). The little accomplishments are so much more important than the big ones (for my kid).
Good advice!
In my family growing up it was all about doing your best, in my husband’s family it’s all about the grades (still is). Math is the bane of Big’s existence. She was in Title I Math for a couple of years. Math is still a problem, and as a classic overachiever, Big has trouble accepting the fact that she isn’t as perfect in this class as the rest. We’re working on it.
Reading was a struggle for her too. However, it was Baby who spent two years in Title I Reading. What seriously made it click for both her and Big was the Electric Company (Old School). You’d be surprised how much kids learn from these videos! Reading is no longer a problem in our house.
Love this post. Everything the girls touch turns to gold. School Arts Sports…whatever. I am such a bragger. I know people get tired of me because I get tired of myself. We are still learning about the new guy. Reads like crazy, but would prefer to do math all day.
Since my oldest is just now starting school I’m not sure about the whole smarts thing. People tell me that they are smart, but we’ll see. We do a lot of praise and positive reinforcement. But we also call it like we see it. Her handwriting is atrocious so when she messes up I make her do it over. She tries to hurry up and get finished when if she would just slow down a little bit she could do a better job. I’m trying to explain to her that it doesn’t matter if you get the answer right if the teacher can’t read it.
great tips..I also make sure to spend one-on-one time with my kids. My oldest is 16, so it is a bit difficult to catch him…but I try to ask him questions about his life to let him know I care..but I try not to intrude to much..I find that he lets me in on a lot more then sometime I care to know about. With my younger ones..we have mommy dates..where they get to spend some time with me away from the other siblings…this helps to keep us connected.
totally agree. all kids are different and talented at different things. it’s about the big picture, and THANKFULLY!!! – there’s help for when they need a boost!
Great article! I have 2 very different kids at my place. Eldest (girl) is an academic high flyer and Second (boy) is a struggler who compares himself to her. We have to keep building his self esteem but we also have to keep rewarding our daughter…balance is key for us.
Boy it’s hard work being a parent but it’s so worth it!
Best wishes,
Natasha.
PS We love Kumon at our place. Great idea!
Great post! Terrific tips!
Each one has their own specialness
Noah is pretty good at school- seemingly effortlessly. But, Zoe… I think her strength is going to be being the really loud and slightly mean kid. She’s really good at looking all tiny for her age and cute with her red hair and tutu she likes to wear everywhere.. but that is how she sucks you in.. because then she kicks your ass or bites you or something.
Coming from a teacher…you are doing it all great. You are nurturing them to find what they are good at and enjoy and helping them in the areas they are struggling without drawing attention to it.
It kills me when a kid comes in my class and says “I don’t do math” or “I don’t get science” like it all fits into one box and it’s all the same.