Ask Me Monday. Get to Know the Dumb Dirt.

So, it’s been ages since I’ve done an Ask Me Monday post.

Not really any excuse as to why, other than the fact that nobody cares I haven’t been asked anything worth sharing lately (and, no, asking me if I really brainwash children does NOT count as an answer I deem worthy of sharing).

But, lately I’ve been asked a number of questions repeatedly, and since I’m sick of answering them  I have nothing better to write about today I really want you guys to get all the Dumb dirt you so desperately crave, I’m gonna make it easier for you to stalk me completely with one succinct and expertly crafted long winded and somewhat shoddy post about me (and stuff I know about, which is an insanely small amount of things).

Let me officially warn you up front though, I know very little about pretty much everything.  I don’t like doing research (unless it involves celebrities boys I have crushes on, or rare diseases I may have contracted or possibly even been born with).  My idea of learning something new is watching Sesame Street when they go to the soda bottling plant (oh man, I LOVE that one).  I used to be fluent in Spanish, but I’m mostly not anymore.  I can’t craft to save my life, but I can throw down in the kitchen.  I read books about vampires.  I watch movies about vampires.  I’ve not had the opportunity to snap any photos of a vampire but, given the opportunity, I would so do that too.

Point is, I could talk to you for days about ugly food*, photography and vampires, but other than that, my general knowledge of general things is pretty satisfyingly general.

But, you asked so…

Top Ten Questions Asked of Dumb Mom

1.  Should I have another baby?  Um, no?!  Wait, I mean yes?!  What?!  Why on earth would anyone ask me if they should have another baby?  But, as someone who encourages others to procreate, despite the fact that I’m not willing to do so myself, to everyone curious about whether you should or should not get knocked up, I’m gonna go with, you betcha!  I mean unless you’re on crack, homeless, sleeping with your cousin, under age 18, or criminally insane.**

2.  How long have you been a photographer?  Always.  I used to snap some pretty fan-freakin-tastic  pics with my Polaroid back in da day…

What? You never took a picture wearing a shower cap and stupid sunglasses in the 90s?! And, who even writes the date like that?!  What MONTH was it?!

But, professionally?  I celebrated my 2nd year as a photography business owner in November.  It started off pretty slow, but as time has gone on, things have picked up quite a bit.  Some months (usually holiday time, spring, and fall) I have more business than my pea brain knows what to do with.***

3.  Where do you live?  In Maryland.  That’s all I’m telling you in case that camper truck taxidermist is still after me.

4.  Which blogs do you love to read?  Oh my gosh, so many.  Of course I love Seven Clown Circus.  But, I also love Mama Kat’s Losin’ It, Pajamas and Coffee, Nice Girl Notes, Seriously a Homemaker, and like five more I can’t remember and don’t feel like looking up.  If you know I love you, feel free to add a comment saying so!

5.  Where do you get your photo tips from?  I don’t need photo tips, yo!  I kid.  I wasn’t born this awesome (nearly, but not quite), so of course I learned my awesomeness from somewhere.  Mostly I just practice my trigger finger off, but I do have some inspirational (and most informational) photography resource sites I like to frequent and sometimes steal ideas from:  The Pioneer Woman (I know, totally cliché, but her actions changed the way I approach photography and it can do the same for you if you let it); Momtog Blog (awe inspiring photography I want to copy with some real life tips thrown in for fun); The Momtographers (beginners GOLD); Flickr (I’m active in a couple of great groups, most helpful: Natural Light Child Photography. Ask a question you WILL get an answer, rather or not you like it is debatable).

6.  Why were you nominated for What NOT to Wear?  I have gotten this one a number of times, particularly from people who’ve met me.  And, all I can say is that my BFF hates me  blogger-related-event-clothing is nothing like my day-to-day kid wear.  Watch the show (when it airs) and you’ll see.  Think oversized everything and soft.

7.  When exactly will that episode of What NOT to Wear actually air?  Your guess is as good as mine.  I’m starting to think they trashed my episode because of my lackluster transformation and inability to make Clinton walk off set.  I’m not confrontational, insane, overzealous, trashy, trampy, or trite.  Which means it is NOT gonna be the “most outrageous episode of What NOT to Wear EVER!”.  However, maybe if a ton of mom bloggers start Tweeting to @TLC, “WE WANT DUMB MOM! WE WANT DUMB MOM!” they might get the hint and air it already.

8.  Were Stacy and Clinton nice?  Yes.  And, um, no!

9.  What blogging conferences are you going to this year?  So far, just BlogHer in SD.  Unless someone would like to sponsor me for another one???

10.  How do I get more people to follow my blog?  Like I know!  But, I do have two tips I live by:

1. Be accessible.  If someone comments on your blog or @’s you on Twitter, RESPOND.  But, that’s not the same thing as following people back just because they follow you.  I don’t believe in that; I follow awesome because it’s what I like.  That being said, awesomeness has NOTHING to do with how many hits your blog gets or how many Twitter followers you have.  It’s about other stuff as far as I’m concerned.
2. Be relatable.  You don’t have to be inflammatory, or even super knowledgeable about any one thing.  I mean, those things get hits, undoubtedly.  But, I like to be the blogger people can actually imagine being.  Not the untouchable sort with all the cash and the ruggedly hot husband (hold on, that does sound pretty nice!).  I’m the Jennifer Aniston of blogging.  Don’t ask, just believe.

*I really am sort of an enigma in the kitchen.  Everything I make tastes delicious, but all of it looks like crap.  My presentation skills are in the garbage, but if you like to eat while blindfolded you will LOVE my biscuit recipe, my salsa, my chicken enchiladas, my fresh fruit smoothies, my diarrhea cookies…

**pBD Says Don’t Blame Me: I will not be held accountable for your getting knocked up and hating it.  There are tons of really stupid reasons for a person to get pregnant, the primary one being because I freakin’ said so.

***If you have more specific photography or photo business owning questions, I’m more than happy to answer them.  Mostly.

Tagged as: be a better blogger, best mom bloggers, best photo blogs, clinton kelly, photography tips, stacy london, what not to wear