Mom Tip Tuesday. How to Travel Alone.

In case you haven’t noticed (bad blogger stalkers if you haven’t, shame on you), this here blog has been going through a definitive period of neglect.

I mean I post something every day, it’s just not the high level of awesome I’ve come to be known for.

And that, readers, makes me sad.

But, in classic Dumb Mom fashion, I fully intend to blame other people for my lack of blogerary ([blog-uh-rer-ee] (adj.) of or pertaining to blogs and blogging; my slef made new word loosely related to literary.  I fully intend to trademark it so don’t get any ideas.) genius as of late.

Specifically, the following individuals, corporations, celebrity personalities, and mythical beings are to blame:

• The Dudes (for being needy and cute)
• The Ex-babysitter (for quitting suddenly, and for sucking a little prior to that)
• The Orthodontist (for sucking my bank account dry)
• The Boss (for making me work)
• Santa
• Terrorists (Seriously, I’m all for a crotch grab or a full body scan, but it’s the extra time that ticks me off.  And the shoes.  I hate putting my bare feet on foreign floors.)
• Stacey and Clinton (although I love you good and I love you hard and I’ll never forget you or your hardworking friends.  Cross my heart and hope to die.  Okay, I don’t wanna die, but you get the picture.)
• The Man (for no particular reason, but no one else seems to need one so I don’t either)

See, so if my blog sucks now and/or in the future you can naturally assume that one or more of the aforementioned reasons is to blame.  Not.  ME.

Moving right along.

Let me go ahead and attempt to make up for it by giving you a Dumb Mom’s Guide you can use.

For the rare occasions when you travel alone for fun (sans kids and possibly, if you’re lucky, sans significant other too!), I give you Dumb Mom’s Guide to Traveling Solo, A Beginner’s Guide to Making it Awesome

1.  Pack light.  It’s the only time you won’t have to take sippy cups, extra clothing for an unplanned puke, and keep-the-kids-quiet-so-people-won’t-stone-us games, books, toys, and the like.  Bring a Kindle and load it with a book you’ve been aching to read.  Then tuck it deeply in your bag and sleep on the plane/train/automobile (as long as someone else is driving!); you’ll be too excited about the impromptu nap-ortunity to read.

2.  Bring Cute Shoes.  Because you might actually want to wear them.  It’s easy and fun to wear high heels when there’s no one to carry, run after, or leg sweep before they run into traffic.

3.  Don’t get your hopes up.  You probably assume that you will have a ton of time to catch up on blogs work in the hotel, but you won’t.  Instead, each evening you will spend the first half of your night talking to the kids and husband you miss desperately (in spite of your desperate attempt to not to), and the rest of the night watching 16 and Pregnant on MTV.  That channel is such a friggin’ time suck.  I hate it completely and love it madly all at the same time.

4.  Do something fun.  I spent 80% of my trip to NYC shopping.  At first it made me want to jump off the Empire State building, but then I started to enjoy it.  There weren’t any kids begging me for overpriced crap toys or running under those circular clothing racks to make me think they’ve been abducted.  Plus, the 5 grand made it kinda easy too!  When I travel without The Dudes I make it a point to do something I wouldn’t be able to do if they were with me.  Like drinking a mocha latte while reading US Weekly at the gate.

5.  Face the facts.  If you’re anything like me (and since you’re here, I’m assuming you are, or at least want to be!), then just accept the fact that you are going to miss your little people.  They may be physically exhausting, and mentally frustrating, and emotionally draining.  They may take all your money, and eat off your plate, and wipe their noses on your tights, right before they puke on your feet.  But they are worth it.  Every single last minute of heartache is worth it.  And, as much as a trip away may be rejuvenating and fun and just what the doctor ordered.  There’s no place like home and I don’t need a tornado and a concussion induced hallucination to figure that out (thank-you-very-much-Dorothy).

I’m home!

And, tomorrow I’ll tell you more about my whirlwind (sort of tornado-esque event) adventure on What Not to Wear!*

*Actually, I fully intend to be vague and evasive so as not to ruin the episode when it airs (and no, I don’t know when that will be, but not until after the holidays for sure, probably not until Spring/Summer-ish time), but you’ll get the general idea of it!

Tagged as: makeover, mommy time, tips for moms, traveling alone, traveling with kids, what not to wear