Mom Tip Tuesday is about giving advice; helping people less awesome than I experience a few moments of glory by achieving a semblance of the awesome I achieve in my sleep.
Yeahright.
Mom Tip Tuesday is a joke way for me to share the little bit of nothing I know with you, while you leave links to things that actually are awesome!
Recently I did get to give some of my best mom-awesome advice to a friend on Twitter.
She mentioned that her kids drive her nuts* because they are always begging her for food in the morning. Something about them wanting to eat annoys her.
I got excited because I thought I could easily turn this into a mom-awesome teaching moment!
I love teaching other moms how to be more awesome and perfect like me.
It’s my way of giving back to the community.
So, when she said they are always asking for super easy stuff like pancakes I really got inspired.
Thank you for that Jen. I love being inspired because it gives me the opportunity to be inspiring.
Dumb Mom’s Guide to Making Your Kid Appreciate Stuff or 10 Things Kids Just Don’t Need (So they’d better be happy if they ever get ‘em)
1. A taste for butter and syrup. As I told Jen who was lamenting the efforts pancakes, waffles, and the like require…
2. Socks. They lose them or refuse to wear them anyway. Besides, I’m pretty sure that’s why they line the inside of shoes with that soft cloth stuff.
3. Pillows.
4. Daily baths. Aren’t they just gonna get dirty again two seconds after you get them out? Wait until it builds up a bit, make them earn a bath, you know?
5. Friends. Playdates are a pain in the butt. No one even likes other people’s kids they just tolerate them because they think they have to. Well, if you were dumb smart enough to have more than one kid then you have pretty much earned the right to never have another kid over to your house to play ever. Especially if you have two or more kids of the same sex. They have each other, they don’t need anyone else.
6. Mommy and Me classes. You hate it, they hate it, and they cost a ridiculous amount of cash just to have some high energy, know it all make you feel like a suck mom because you don’t know half of the nursery rhymes the other moms do. Save the money and take your kid to the park. At least you can check your email and Tweet while he plays with random kids and chases after flea infested water fowl.
7. Toys. They break them. They lose them. They don’t even play with them for more than 15 minutes. Just give them a rock and a stick. Nothing wrong with rock ball. So a kid you know got concussed while playing it? Buy your kid a helmet and make him wear it. Helmets are one thing kids DO actually need!
8. Roller skates. They are frustrating and nobody roller skates anymore anyway. Roller skating is the Latin of the exercise world and it’s never coming back.
9. Privacy. You’ve seen it all before anyway. Plus, if they know you might give them a random nut check from time to time they are way less likely to get an inappropriate piercing or a wart producing STD, that’s my philosophy anyway.
10. A life. Give them one now and they will just grow up thinking they’re entitled to it. In high school they’ll want you to let them get a driver’s license and a car so they can more easily live their life. And then, when they grow up and realize how effed up their life really is, they’ll blame you for it because you were an enabler, or a pushover, or an overindulgent punk a poor role model. Make their life miserable from the beginning. It keeps their expectations low and provides you with numerous opportunities to swoop in like the mom-awesome hero you’ve always wanted to be and pretend to save the day you clandestinely ruined while they were sleeping.
Have a Mom Tip to share to help other moms up their awesome? Favorite recipes, creative craft ideas, and tips to get your kids to like you better are encouraged and appreciated!
*She may or may not have said all of the things I say she said. But, for purposes of making my story more interesting and me more awesome sounding I may or may not have embellished a bit. You could say this is a story “based on real life events”, which is the same thing as it being sorta like the truth, kay?!
{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }
I wholeheartedly give this post my endorsement. I think you guys are right on the money with all of this advice.
Oh man, thank god you’re here! What would I do without you!
I do agree that those mummy and me classes are really a waste of time and money. Many of the activities that they teach can be done on our own with our kids without spending such $$ on it.
I am pretty sure that I said all those things, especially the one about kids driving me nuts.
I am going to take your advice wholeheartedly.
LOL! You’re right, they soooo don’t need a life.
“Roller skating is the Latin of the exercise world and it’s never coming back.”
Ahahahaha. I laughed so hard.
You are a freaking genius. We totally went to the same school of parenting.
Freakin hysterical! Love tip #2…I live by that. I hate socks
A great post. I stumbled on this post while I was clicking links. Thanks for the great chuckle. I love the part about the socks because I always find them everywhere!
Have a great week!
Make them miserable from the beginning! Awesom theory!
I agree whole heartedly and with spanking spoon in hand!
I trained my daughter to hate syrup on her waffles! I hate anything messy, so I’m always trying to convince my daughter she does too! Play Dates? What the hell! I think not! Please refer to my “I’m not a Kid person” vlog! http://rockonmommies.com/not_a_kid_person/ I’m so not a kid person.
Brilliant! You’re a genius! This is why I look up to you.
Not sure if this post is a joke or not, but if so, I feel really bad because my daughter doesn’t get baths everyday, we go to the playground more than anything else, and I have encouraged her to absolutely LOVE baby cereal. Still. And she’s 16 months. Because it’s easy to “cook”.
Very informative and great body structure of articles , now that’s user friendly (:.