So NOT Dumb Saturday. Body Shaping Miracle Worker.

Hello readers!

Welcome to another edition of so Not Dumb Saturday, Summer Survival Series.

Only, this week, I’m going in a different direction (no reviews of summer dinnerware or beach accessories, both of which will be coming next week thanks to CSN and their awesome 200+ stores from which I will be reviewing the perfect item for a Dumb Family beach vacation).

Today, we are gonna talk about fashion.

Because I want to.

Now, I know that some of you couldn’t care less about couture as evidenced by the fact that you showed up at the kindergarten open house the other day in Old Navy sweat shorts and a cami (which, for the record, are not intended to be worn as bras by everyone).

But, I care.

Maybe not all the time, but definitely when it matters.

I’m the first to admit that I wear sweat pants most days and that I even take those sweat pants on the road when I’m headed to pick the kid up from preschool, or grab a few things at the store, or even drop a giveaway winner’s package in the mail (and if you’re expecting something from me, go ahead and leave me a comment because I’m pretty sure I forgot).

But, I have limits.

You won’t catch me listening to President Obama’s speech in a pair of jeans and tennis shoes.

Unlike some people (none of which were in my party, but I did spy them in the audience).

And it’s not because I’m vain or stuck up or overly critical okay, it totally is, it’s because I feel good when I look good and having an appropriate for the event outfit, a pair of awesome shoes, and a smokin’ hot handbag (which is pretty much always appropriate, in my experience) make me feel good.

Recently Kymaro contacted me again (they are the sweet geniuses who sent me a body shaper a while back) and asked if I’d be interested in checking out a a pair of their Curve Control Jeans.*

Naturally, as someone with an abundance of curves, I immediately and emphatically said, “HELLYES!”

Hell yes I will try out your curve controlling mom jeans!

So, TA-DA!!!

I bring you Kymaro’s Curve Control Jeans that “shape you and mold to your body lifting your bottom, flattening your stomach” while you wear them.

Which I feel.

They are the higher waist type that tuck under your titties to prevent your muffin top from getting all muffiny with the stretchy material on top to accommodate those of us with junk in the trunk, and the front, and the passenger seat, and on the roof too.

But, here’s my concern.

I’m curious about how they look?

‘Cause I don’t wanna be the Jessica Simpson of blogging (actually, if I could just have her money and her hot dates with cute celebrities I’d be fine with that).

Clearly, I’ve got enough sense not to pair my curve controlling jeans with a tucked in tank top and/or a thick, leopard print belt, because when I do, things get ugly.

Fast…

But, with a longer shirt that covers the high waisted ugly, some cute wedges, and a little length alteration (aka rolling them up), they aren’t so bad, right?

Sorta cute even?

No one needs to know that I did the titty tuck on them, and at least they keep my belly from shaking when I walk like a bowl full of jelly.

Keeps it, not quite tight, but tight-ish.**  Which is more than I can say for the low slung, hip hugging, sexy-back William Rast pair I can neither afford nor fit, but have been wishing I could for quite some time now.

Chicks who get excited about curve controlling anything don’t belong in clothing designed by Justin Timberlake (seriously, the William Rasts only go up to a size 32!  Pretty sure I can’t even button that let alone zip it and breathe.).***

But, you know, it’s cool, I’ve like almost completely accepted that I’m not the 22 year old man magnet I used to be because I am a beautifully thickened mother of 3.  I am hoping to win a tummy tuck some day embracing my body and super excited to be able to give away, an entire line of beauty enhancing products from Kymaro for those ladies who know they’re hot and like to prove it!

One lucky lady will be the owner of over $180 worth of Kymaro beauty products including:

• One pair of custom fitted Curve Control Jeans
• A Kymaro Body Shaper (also worn with pride by this Dumb Mom)
• Sunless Tanning (um, yeah, like I need this with my au natural SPF 500, but it may come in handy for some less roasted readers)
• Fix My Roots (also something I don’t need ’cause my hair color is naturally perfect, you know once the highlights are in there)
• Bump Up Cups (when your bajongas are like watermelons the only thing to bump them up costs a few grand and involves blood)
• Discount coupons for other Kymaro items (like the Roll Away Facial Threader which could come in handy if you are like some people and have a wicked little man-stache coming in like you’re some 56 year old menopausal grandmother)

All of which can be viewed and purchased here: Kymaro Seller

To win all you have to do is…

1.  Be a pBd follower and reassure me that my mom jeans make me look sexy, NOT old.

2.  Leave a comment telling me your favorite fashion accessory and why you feel like a friggin’ hottie when you wear it.

That’s it!

Only here to see if you won the National Geographic Kids book giveaway from last week?

It was Ethnically Ambiguous! Now, someone go tell her ‘cause we all know I’m not gonna.

*pBd Admits it’s Free: They came to me with the jeans and asked if I’d like to test them, free of charge.  As previously mentioned, I said Hellyes!

**If you visit the site you will see a number of testimonials and photos depicting smaller waistlines.  I can not attest to such dramatic changes (although, I did NOT measure my waistline), but I do notice a significant decrease in muffin topper and bumpy bellyness compared to other jeans designed with a shorter waistline.  Perhaps, however miracle is a strong word.

***Did you hear they are brining a line to Target?  Wonder if the sizes will be more comprehensive when they do?!

Tagged as: body shaper, curve control jeans, kymaro, mom jeans