We’ve been kicking around the idea of taking The Dudes camping for a while.
You know, just ‘cause they’re Dudes and Dudes are supposed to like crap like camping, right?
Right.
Only, here’s the thing… I EFFING HATE CAMPING!
So, we’re going to Myrtle Beach this summer instead.
And staying in a house.
A big, five bedroom beast of a house within walking distance of the beach (and shopping centers and restaurants and other stuff I like doing).
Wooo-hoooo!
Because the thought of sleeping outside with the bugs and the snakes (no, for real, we have snakes, like all over this friggin’ place. Just this summer I’ve seen 5. With my own eyes. One was right on my walk way. Outside of MY door. Like waiting. To say hi and watch me urinate on myself. We. Have. SNAKES.) and the sounds of wild stuff makes me want to cry.
Like seriously cry. Human tears.
Which is exactly what I did the last time I went by force, kicking and screaming, on a family camping trip.
I was 16.
Mimi, Papa, and Bruncle were all along for the “fun”.
And it was cold. And it was boring. And everyone at the stupid campsite was like a million years old. And they made me ride in a canoe.
So, now I hate camping, and canoes, and old people, and pretty much everything that even remotely reminds me of the worst camping trip EVER.
But, it wasn’t always this way.
See…
There was a time a really loooong a$% time ago when camping and fishing and swimming in water with living things in it was my idea of fun.
Papa and I used to go fishing, literally every week.
We’d hike down to find the best catfish spots and we’d drop in our lines and we’d fish our fingers off (not catch anything, but it was still super fun).
It was like our thing.
I wouldn’t go so far as to say I was outdoorsy, because I’ve always had a slightly maniacal fear of creepy crawlies, but I found enjoyment in various outdoor activities.
But somewhere along the way probably around the time I realized the error of my dirty outdoor potty using ways I just decided that it wasn’t for me.
I’m more of a resort vacation girl myself.
Dirty hands, bugs in my food, people talking around the camp fire while I’m trying to FRIGGIN GET SOME SLEEP OVER HERE sleep are just all things that don’t fit into my idea of a fun vacation.
I know.
It makes me sound stuck up and prissy and probably really annoying to people who enjoy the beauty of nature and the open fresh air.
But what. Ever.
I like the smell of freshly laundered linens.
I like dozing off to the sound of a laugh track playing on re-runs of Seinfeld in the adjoining suite (okay, not really. I HATE hearing other hotel guests’ TV, but no where near as much as I HATE hearing all of those really loud, unidentifiable forest sounds).
And, I like room service and hot showers and being able to wipe my soiled tail on plush, two ply toilet paper.
So shoot me!
Which could totally happen if I go camping in one of these creepola national parks all over the great state of Maryland that actually allow hunting.
But, don’t start casting aspersions and making judgments on my motherhood yet, because guess what?!
I’ve decided thanks to some intense poking and prodding from Mimi and Papa, camping enthusiasts who think “boys should be able to experience the great outdoors blah-blah-blah” CONSIDER* taking The Dudes on a fully chaperoned by people who know what the butt they are doing (aka Mimi and Papa whose stupid face stupid idea this was anyway) ca-ca-I-can’t-even-say-it camping trip.
But, not to just any ole camp site (because like what do you do all day when you go camping?).
We’re gonna go here…
Because it looks soooo cool.
And, at least it’s by a beach (which indicates to me that there are like desirable hotels around, just in case of an emergency or something).
And the horses!
Those look SO cool.
Almost worth sitting outside, in the heat, or the rain, while ants go marching away with all of your best snacks and bears rifle through what’s left at night while a snake climbs into your sleeping bag to try to kill you.
Almost.
*Dear Mimi and Papa, I am CONSIDERING this. I am not 100% committed to this, so don’t go getting all excited. Don’t buy special new camping gear or a 25 person tent. I will inform you if this is something I am certain I can do, at which point it would be great if we could just like rent a camper or something. Will keep you posted, your scarred for life daughter, Dumb Mom.**
**P.S. Don’t try to get The Dudes to guilt me into it either. I SO don’t fall for that anymore and I know how to bribe them anyway so it won’t work.
***Need some writing inspiration today? Head on over to Writer’s Workshop and join in the fun!
{ 22 comments… read them below or add one }
We just got back from Assateague! It was AWESOME. Just don’t take food to the beach otherwise the wild horses will rip it out of your hands. FYI. I’ve never camped there (we’ve always stayed in houses nearby) but it’s totally awesome. Your dudes would love it.
That is a good FYI. Think The Dudes would be scarred for life if they were attacked by a wild horse. As they should be. Horse attacks are nothing to take lightly. I’ve been kicked. I know.
Yeah.. we, and by “we” I mean “my husband without my knowledge” bought a pop-up camper last summer. So that means I ‘ve had to go out in it. Thankfully, the place we camp is a mile and a half from the beach and our spot that we always get is right next to the showers and toilets. Because the camper does not have a/c or a bathroom. But it IS in a WiFi hotspot. Priorities.
Divorce. Would instantly lead to divorce. Fortunately, Dumb Dad and I are sorta on the same page when it comes to camping. We both hate it, but think The Dudes should go. Which means Mimi and Papa better drag that tent out and get ready!
I hate camping too. I really hate camping. Unfortunately my husband and sons love it. We have started boys only camping trips. My husband, his buddies, and all the kids go camping together… and I stay home. Perfect.
But, if you have to go, Assateague looks pretty cool.
Now, this sounds like the kind of camping trip I could grow to love!
Don’t be so negative towards camping
It’s a great way to enjoy the beauty that mother nature has to offer. Plus, like Mrs. Mayhem stated, boys love it!
I know. I know. But I’ve always been more of a see the forest not the trees kinda girl and I;m pretty much okay with that. Only for The Dudes. ONLY!
HAHAHA CLASSIC!!! I didn’t go on my 1st camping trip until I was in college and at that point it was super cool….now…I don’t mind it for a day or so…and only if there is a non spider infested toilet nearby…but mainly I like camping at the Marriott!!!
I grew up backpacking and camping too. It was fun, but I can’t imagine doing it with my kids. I much rather sit in a lounge chair with my rum drink and watch hubs play with the kids in the sand.
Camping is so much fun and so much work. And you get super dirty and come home with lots of bug bites. It takes hours to get ready and twice as many to clean up.
Camping ROCKS
I’m like a bloody piece of meat to mosquitos. Can’t even sit out on my own deck without protection.
When you are right; you are right.
When we did yard work this weekend, I kept thinking, “What is that smell? I hate nature. Why is it so hot outside?” Our friends go camping this week(like, 14 families). Every year they ask if we are coming. I think they need something to do for entertainment and laughing at us would do nicely for that.
14 families would be fun. If they went to a place that had like cabins with bathrooms and hot water. I swear if I go camping I will probably come back so constipated I won’t be able to walk straight. That is my biggest fear.
I am so with you!! I loathe camping and you can bet that my butt will never be taking my boys camping unless i have one of those hugemondo motorhomes, and the hubby promises that I will never have to clean or cook the entire time we are gone. yeah, as if that’s ever going to happen. LOL
You HAVE to go to Assateague Island, I’ve been there and its beautiful. No one can live on that island and its so pretty since its untouched. But don’t expect to see horses running on the beach like they show, most of the time they are slowly walking or laying around….lol just to let you know but its still worth going!
I just want to see them. They can be laying are mating or whatever as long as they are alive. That would be cool.
You are not alone. I grew up camping and the last time I went was when my family forced me. I never minded it but give me a house any day so that I don’t have to cook over an open flame lol
Actually my youngest is now 16 months and I think I may be ready for an OVERNIGHT camping trip. Nothing too crazy. Oh to see those horses. That has always been a dream of mine and I live in NC so it is doable but we just haven’t done it. Have fun in Myrtle – we are headed to Topsail in September 
I bought a tent last year, but we were never able to find a good weekend to go. David set it up in the backyard so that him and Baby Girl could “camp.” She got scared and wouldn’t stay out there. IN THE BACKYARD. Can you imagine what she would do at a real campground?
I was also drug camping as a child. Maybe we went enough, that now it doesn’t bother me and I’m fine with it. Not sure why it doesn’t bother me if bugs are crawling around and I’m sleeping on the ground.
Like the spiders need * another* excuse for crawling in our mouths while we sleep!
I am with you. Personally, a vacation that lacks room service and running water is not a vacation at all. And don’t even get me started about having to carry around my own toilet paper.