How to be Popular.

I’ve  always been sorta delusional popular.

I mean, people just like being around me.

Always have (no joke, you should’ve peeped me in high school).

Some say it’s my engaging personality and witty sense of humor.

Others argue that it’s my electrifying good looks.

Personally, I think it’s a little bit of each; everyone doesn’t always get my jokes, but I’ve not had a human (or any mammal really) that can resist my winning smile.

Yeahright.

Popularity is about one thing and one thing only: hard effing work.

And, luck.

Okay, so it’s about two things, and two things only: hard effing work, and a smattering of good luck. 

Luck (as in genes, geographical location, family finances, whether or not your mom comes up to school to pick you up drunk and scantily clad in cootie cutters) plays a secondary role, immediately behind the working it factor.

Obviously, as far as genes are concerned, I’ve been unfairly blessed (don’t hate me because my momma is beautiful and wouldn’t wear cootie cutters even though she totally could).

But thanks to also being gifted in the brains department, I realized early on that I needed to beef up other areas of the Dumb Mom package if I wanted to be a member of the “in” crowd indefinitely.

So, I’ve worked on my jokes, I’ve learned a few key skills (I can bake like a mofo and I’m told I take some pretty decent pictures too), and I’ve become a generally favorable person to know.

But, also, I cheat a little.

I’m not ashamed to admit it. 

For years I have been stacking the cards in my favor by making it virtually impossible for people to live without me.

With Dumb Dad…

Dumb Dad literally can not live without me.  I actually hide the pots, pans, and all other cooking utensils. I have prevented him from increasing his cooking skills beyond the preparation of the Kraft Macaroni & Cheese that my children are addicted to.  I make things even more favorable for myself by serving stuff that is awesome.  Bacon Wrapped Shrimp with Pineapple…

  

Eat your heart out.  Dumb Dad certainly does.

With The Dudes…

Now this one is tough because Dumb Dad has the advantage.  By being the resident bringer of the fun (with little or no responsibility to complete undesirable tasks like laundry, dishes, or disciplining of naughty children) The Dudes are naturally attracted to his brand of excitement.  But, I steal the show every chance I get.  Little stuff, you know?  Like Zhu Zhu Pet parties for #1 and 10 of his pals.  No one said being popular was easy.  I’m battling lawn mowing and car washing and going to see Avatar and playing stupid-head video games.  I can’t compete with that.  So I cheat a little. 

With the community…

I volunteer for stuff.  Easy stuff.  Stuff I like to do anyway.  So I have to spend the day not actually participating in the 5K by running working my butt off with my camera.  Least I can do to ensure ultimate mind control give back to the school community that’s given my son so much already.

With my IRL friends…

I invite them her to stuff all the time.  All.  The.  Time.  I may or may not be doing that just to ease my own social anxiety, but everyone benefits, right?  And, I look awesome in the besties department.

With my parents…

I am their best child.  It’s a fact.  It just is.  Bruncle can’t hold a candle to this awesome.  I’m not even really trying on this one.

With my coworkers…

I don’t do half of the annoying stuff I see them doing consider doing.  That right there does it.  Makes me the one person all of the other people actually want to be around.  Look up popular in the dictionary people; this is what you will see*…

 

With my Bloggy Buddies…

I flatter.  Like a mofo.  I even write custom poems designed to get them to do my bidding make them feel special and pretty.  Oh, so pretty.  Funny how a little brown nosing flattery can go such a long way.  But, it’s not just my silver tongue that has so many lady bloggers under my influence, it’s also my attention to fashion detail.  Seriously, I put intense effort in to looking haute when I head out to meet my blog land buddies, giving them the illusion that I am smokin’  in my daily life as well.  No one needs to know that I possibly wear the same sweat pants every day of the week only rotating the free shirt I pair them with.  So, I’ve made it my unofficial goal to be a fashion icon in the slightly-overweight-but-still-arguably-cute mom blogging world by ensuring that I’m never caught at a blogging event or captured in a to-be-posted photo wearing any of the following…

Free t-shirts, particularly ones advertising a fast food restaurant (even if I got them from a super hip and cool blogger event).

Crocks (they are comfy, but come on).

Scunci’s (which I swear are making a comeback, but I’ll wait to bring these back out until I’m certain).

Biker shorts (I am not a biker, so, yeah… no).

Hammer pants (they are definitely making a comeback, but I didn’t look that awesome in them when I was young and thin so they are a no go now that I’m pretty much just not).

 

I’ve got this popular girl thing in the bag.  In.  The.  Bag.

Are you a popular girl too?

Go tell Mama Kat all about it on this week’s Writer’s Workshop.

*If me attempting to disarm my over zealous photo taking 5 year old isn’t the picture of popularity, I don’t know what it.  And, in case you were concerned, I did NOT break his nose with my palm thrust although I coulda if I’d wanted to.

Tagged as: becoming popular, popularity tips